Foxy Knoxy's word to the wise #1: on fasting

Plagues getting you down?
Witches upsetting the tone of your village?
Wars, rumours of wars, or cows dying unexpectedly?
Afraid that pesky Catholic conspirators are plotting your downfall?

You need all-new, all-Protestant penitential fasting.

Be the first in your faithful remnant to fast decently and in good order.

But wait!  There's more!  With each penitential fast, you get a free set of stainless steel steak knives - great for tucking into that post-penitential roast lamb dinner.

You've seen the fast,
you've admired the steak knives, but wait - we'll also throw in a slightly used set of jougs for those of you who place your order in the next 30 minutes!

That's right: a penitential Protestant fast,
a set of fabulous steak knives AND for a limited time only, a free set of slightly used jougs.  This is an unrepeatable offer!
Offer finishes when all stock gone.

100% guaranteed for obtaining God's favour or your meat and ale returned in full.

*wearers of 'gorgious apparell' ineligible to apply*

[because every blog should have a mascot... and Knoxy is my home-boy]